In the software world, there is a concept of technical weight and software legacy. It’s often comes up when clients talk about wanting to build something new, maybe more efficient. Often you have to compromise the build of an application or software system because it needs to work with a clunky old system. I used to advise clients to cut-bait, to push on with the new by dropping the old. Rarely were they able to do so.
I’ve found myself in the position of upgrading my own internal operating system, wiping the slate clean if you will. Some of it, like my marriage and my former business weren’t things I set out to rid myself of. Life has set me along a very different path than the one I desired. Well, here I find myself with a slate half-cleaned wondering what it would look like to fully wipe the slate clean for the first time in 40 yrs? By that I’m referring to anything having origins to my past life that cause an energy burden on my future, be it businesses, modes of operating, habits, friends, activities and material goods.
For me, there is a strong appeal to starting from scratch rather than carrying the weight of the past along for the ride. I spent several years digging into personality profiles, and I know I have the tendency to be a people-pleasing optimist. Therefore it’s rather innate for me to push thru, taking things well past their expiration date in the name of serving others. Case in point, I knew I needed to move on from my agency after running it for nine years, but I convinced myself to stick in there because I felt leaving the team would cause others to suffer.
As I shed the weight of the past, I have to wrestle with the loss of my own professional and community identity which I’ve cultivated over the last 15 years. It’s an interesting place to be in. The appeal of building anew, on a solid clean foundation is palpable to me. At the same time, it’s frightening as Hell to not have the shelter of my past life to protect me.